Simple Tips in Managing Your Growing Up Kids

Independence is an essential part of our growing up kids’ journey to adulthood. But most parents, particularly for us moms, we often find ourselves battling inside whether to control or give in to our kids. Eventually, we ended up clueless as to what the right thing to do.

A lot of mom can absolutely relate to a scenario of a mother of several kids being exhausted for dealing with each of her children on an individual basis.

Fortunately, several experts mom shared some simple guidelines that helped them attain balance in their family without having the need to sacrifice their rationality.

Trust the process of growing up. Teenagers are naturally a big ton of hormones. Certainly, growing up kids would always want to explore and try new things. Therefore, as parents, we need to accept the fact that this is a natural development and is simply healthy. Parents should learn to be understanding and adaptable during this stage of their children’s life.

Simply guide the children, but be careful not to take control over their desires and decisions. Sometimes guidance eventually leads to temptations to control. You’ll be surprised how gentle guidance stimulates cooperation.

Give them independence in every step of the way. Giving the children independence as they grow is like letting them learn on their own. This would also encourage them to have self-discipline. In my case, I asked my then 7-year-old daughter to go over her notes and home works every night before dinner so she would be granted independence in using her iPad after class. Later on, as she turns 8, she changed her interest from using iPad into visiting her cousins on weekends. So, we renewed our agreement “under new negotiated term and condition” that if she go over her lessons every night before dinner, she will have the freedom to visit her cousins all weekend long and until now, it works well with us.

Let there be room for mistakes. As the old saying goes, we all learn from our mistakes. If adults commit mistakes, and so children do.

Let them feel you’re on their side. You have to earn your children’s trust and faith. Always be on their side whether they are right or wrong. Show them that you are on their side no matter what happens. If they are wrong, still go on their side but talk to them later in private and tell them what is right and let them feel that you just went on their side because you love them. In such circumstances, I always tell my daughter that if I wouldn’t be there correct her from her faults, then nobody would care to correct her, and instead, people would just let her commit mistakes and then laugh at her back. Once you failed to make her feel you’re on her side, this would cause them to go elsewhere to seek guidance and companion.

Establish strict family rules. Make them understand that there is an existing rule that they have to follow at home. This way, they will learn to abide with any rules and regulations in or out of the house.

Give reasonable choices. Don’t make them feel like they were left without a choice. Giving them choices will make them feel like they are already grown-ups to make decisions on their own. When giving options, be fair and flexible enough.

Make them understand that family rules vary. Not all families have the same house rules. If a teenager wishes to stay outside until midnight because their friends are allowed doing so, be sure to set boundaries clear. Make them understand that your big concern is their safety and make it clear that it is your rule and not their friends’.

Have consequences for actions. If kids don’t do their house chores, like putting their plates at the basin after eating, don’t ignore it, because if you do, you will lose authority and credibility. However, make sure that the punishment fits the misconduct. Later on, explain to them the importance of family chores and the consequences that might happen if they don’t do it.

Admit mistakes. Moms make mistakes as well, so don’t be hard on yourself. Meanwhile, if you committed mistake, don’t be afraid to say “sorry” so the kids can adapt the same practice of admitting their mistakes and being apologetic for their own misconducts.

On top of it, parents should always stay positive. Our strength, stability and never-ending love and support will build our kids’ self-confidence and successful independence.

 

Aizelle Joe

Philippines

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